| Author |
Message |
pir81 |
|
Post subject: Shark 1, shark molesting scuba idiot 0
 Posted: Sep 22, 2006 - 10:36 PM
|
|
Puffer
Joined: Dec 31, 1969
Posts: 73
Status: Offline
|
|
Shark 1, shark molesting scuba idiot 0
Powered by CDNN - CYBER DIVER News Network
by LAMAR BENNINGTON - CDNN Industry News Editor
KEY LARGO, Florida (18 Sep 2006) -- You are a recently certified professional scuba diving instructor desperate for employment.
Admittedly, you are sexually obsessed with animals.
And on the rare occasion when you're sober, you can almost remember your full name.
Now what about that prior arrest and conviction for humping the neighbor's pet goat?
Young man, there's a place you can go!
Don't worry: you've got the right stuff if you want to make a quick buck entertaining thrill-seeking tourists in the Florida Keys scuba diving industry.
But never forget one thing Mr. Macho Man: casual, unprotected cross-species sex can be extremely dangerous, especially underwater.
Just ask Dave Marcel, the backwoods scuba training performer at Spencer Slate's Atlantis Dive Center who gets a teeny-weeny little bulge in his wetsuit whenever he sees a young single nurse shark.
"You kind of pick 'em up," Dave said with a stupid, lecherous grin reminiscent of the menacing hillbillies in Deliverance.
"RUB their belly, SCRATCH 'em, HUG 'em...(HEY) you might as well give them a smooch while you're out there," Dave howled squealing like a pig.
Young man, are you listening to me?
Sure it sounds weird and even sick, but before you throw up all over your keyboard, remember that sexually harassing marine wildlife is not only Dave's thing--it's a multi-million dollar global entertainment industry thanks to YMCA National Scuba Chairman Spencer Slate, Stuart Cove and PADI Project Aware, an international beach cleaning coordinator that promotes animal sex tours as the solution to shark finning!
More than just another scuba clown. In 2004, Dave Marcel's boss, NAUI Vice Chairman and YMCA Scuba National Chairman Spencer Slate, was inducted into the Int. Scuba Diving Hall of Fame and honored by the scuba diving industry for flouting the law with his cross-species underwater sex shows just beyond Florida state waters.
Sexual predator Dave Marcel learns the hard way not to molest a juvenile nurse shark.
So when Atlantis Dive Center scuba pro Dave Marcel flipped an unsuspecting nurse shark on her back, groped her and then gave her a big wet kiss, the last thing he expected was to have his lips removed by an angry shark with 500 razor-sharp teeth.
No doubt about it: he thought he was on the fast track to joining Spencer Slate and Jean-Michel Cousteau in the International Scuba Diving Hall of Fame.
Young man, put your pride on the shelf
When Dave returned to Atlantis Dive Center with "his lip hanging from his face like a worm" according to one local newspaper reporter, ex-high school teacher, NAUI BOD Vice Chairman and barracuda molester Spencer Slate knew exactly what to do: call a doctor.
Enter Dr. Mike Kelly, a brilliant Miami-based cosmetic surgeon who thought he had seen it all until Dave Marcel limped in through the door with a severed lip that looked like last week's rancid sashimi.
"Dave's lip looked like it had been put through a meat grinder or a garbage disposal," Dr. Kelly told reporters. "I mean it was a hundred little pieces--basically it was a matter of completing the jigsaw puzzle and putting the pieces back together again."
Young man, what do you wanna be
So after recovering from facial reconstruction, what did interactive diver Dave Marcel learn about sexually harassing marine wildlife?
"Don't kiss a nurse shark while it's upside down," Dave giggled.
© CDNN - CYBER DIVER NEWS NETWORK
http://www.cdnn.info/news/industry/i060918.html |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
FAQ
Search
Register
Log in to check your private messages
Log in
